I Must Not Sleep

By R Vidovix

I look up but I can no longer see the sun shining above the canopy. I don’t have a watch but I know it is gone five o’clock. The birds have all stopped singing as they get ready to go to bed. The monkeys have stopped jumping and screaming as they prepare to hide for the night.
I walk along the trail counting the large trees in the way. There are 19 mahogany trees and 26 Brazil nut trees to go before I reach home. Unless I find the Brazil nut shells in the path, I will have no time to collect any today. The light is fading rapidly and I must walk faster if I want to reach the landing strip before nightfall.
I breathe deeply and the smell that comes to my nostrils tells me of heavy rain. It rained a little this morning but the dry smell of the soil tells me the forest needs more water. It will rain soon.
I cross another stream on the way and notice the paw prints next to a drinking spot. They weren’t there this morning. I don’t know enough about animals to recognize which one left the mark but I can tell it is a big cat. Paulo says jaguars will rarely attack a person in the jungle but the stories I have heard tell me otherwise: in the jungle all big cats are dangerous.
I walk faster looking around; checking to see if there is any threat to my safety. I am not scared but I am worried. I didn’t mean to be out this late and I didn’t bring a torch with me. I should not have forgotten Paulo’s advice: never go out without a machete and a torch. At least I have a machete.
The last hill is very slippery and as I hold the roots of a tree to help myself upwards, a big insect jumps onto my arm. It looks like a leaf and, although huge, it doesn’t look harmful, and I hope it stays there until I get home. I have no time to put it in one of the plastic carrier bags I have in my back pack. They are common in the jungle but I can’t remember seeing one as large as this.
I am tired and thirsty and I will have another drink from the stream just before the 7th Brazil nut tree. I am almost running now. The light is almost gone.
I reach the last mahogany tree. I can’t help but look up and notice there is a new parasite on its trunk. I can’t tell what it is, it is too dark. It is my favourite tree but today I have no time to stop and appreciate its beauty.
I am scared now and I am almost running. I step into a hole and I feel my feet sinking. I try to pull out but it is too late. I have stepped on an ants nest and the stinging sensation of an attack from a thousand ants is immediate. I can feel them climbing all over my feet and coming up my leg. I move away but they come with me and I can now feel the bites in my hips. I bend down and rub my rubber flip flop all around my foot trying to kill the ants. I lift the leg of my jeans but they are everywhere. They are in my hands, climbing up my arms.
The last rivulet is just ahead me. I must run and get in the water as fast as I can. I lie in the stream and the cold water makes me shiver but I can feel the stinging going away. Ants don’t like water. I lie there for a few minutes hoping that they have all gone.
I get up. It is completely dark now and I can barely see the way. Paulo always says that people often get lost in the jungle because they panic.
I stop to think and clear my head. I bend down and scoop some water in my hands. I drink it in the hope that I will have a clear mind to make the right decision.
My eyes are getting used to the dark and as I look up, I can vaguely see the sky. The moon will be there soon and hopefully I will find the way home.
I drink some more water hoping that an answer to my problem will become clear to me. Nothing happens. I am still cold and very scared. My teeth start to rattle and I think of Paulo again.
“I must not panic.” I whisper. “I must not panic.” This time I say it louder. I must convince myself.
The noise is very loud out here. The crickets, toads and owls keep the jungle so lively that I can barely hear anything else. I continue walking, slowly, with the machete scanning the ground and then my right foot. I know the way well but the darkness adds an entire dimension to it. I think about blind people having to live every minute of their lives in the shadows.
For the thousandth time, I repeat to myself “I must not panic, I must not panic”. I carry on walking, seeking the clear path. I know I’m very near the 7th Brazil nut tree. I hear a noise and something splashes right behind me. I jump and shout but nothing else happens. I have no idea what it is but I don’t think it is a jaguar.
I’m so terrified that I can’t move. “I must not panic. I must not panic”. I recite the mantra for a few seconds. It works. I breathe deeply and I begin to move forward again.
I trip on something and fall over. I try to get up but my hand hits something hard, wooden. It is not a root, I don’t think. I touch it and it doesn’t feel alive. I hold it with my hands and when I feel how round it is I laugh in relief, it is a Brazil nut shell. I have reached the 7th Brazil nut tree.
I hear the water hitting the leaves and feel the rain falling down my face. I am still damp from jumping into the spring. I don’t want to get even wetter. I sit near the trunk and stay there for a few minutes waiting for the thunder and lightening that are bound to come.

It has been a while since the rain started and I don’t think it will stop tonight. I’m sitting on the ground with my chest against my knees trying to keep some of the body heat that I have still got. Nobody comes this way at this time of the night and there is no one waiting for me at home to notice that I am not there.
Maybe I should carry on. Maybe I should not. The mud will make it all very slippery, hard to keep to the right track. I worry that I will go the wrong way and fall into one of the deep holes that the miners left in their search for gold.
I decide to stay put.
I lean against the 7th Brazil nut tree and using the machete I scrape everything from the ground near me. I move my hands in a circular movement until I know there is nothing other than me there. I try to forget how cold I am.
I think about why am I here. I remember the warmth of my orange soft blanket I had when I was a child. I try to think of wonderful and pleasant memories but my mind wanders back to the present. I have no choice. I must stay here and wait for my fate.
My eyes are heavy. I must not sleep. My thoughts go back to civilization. The memory of my orange blanket mixes with the thought of my mum’s warm bean soup. I can almost taste it in my mouth. I think I am dreaming.
I must not sleep…
The rain stopped and everything comes out to play. The noise is even louder now. There is a toad very near me and I can hear its coaxing so close that I don’t move. Toads usually don’t scare me but right now everything is frightening.
Something jumps on my foot and my mind tells me to freeze. It is cold and wet and when I feel it moving I want to jump. There is no need. It moves away on its own wish. It must be the toad hopping away to somewhere comfier. I bring my feet nearer me. I wonder what would happen if I doze off just a little…
I have lost all notion of time. How long have I been here for? It could have been six minutes; it could have been six hours. The nights are very long in the jungle.
I count my heart beats. I know it beats 72 beats per minute. One, two, three… seven hundred twenty. It seems an eternity.
Counting is not helping. It is making me anxious and even more nervous. I must calm down and let my mind and body synchronize with Nature.
I listen to the jungle again. There are some friendly noises coming from above me. It is probably a monkey-mum comforting her baby. I inhale the pure air and smell the sweet essence of the Brazil nuts that must surround me.
I look around and don’t expect to see anything but the night, somehow, it doesn’t seem so dark anymore. My arms and legs are less tense now and although I am still cold and hungry I feel relaxed.
I feel free. I feel part of the rain forest.
My eyes are so heavy… I can sleep now…
Word count: 1654